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Hahahahhahahaha. G, you’re famous!

There was a long running inside joke in Section E4 involving a certain student, who if given the chance -any chance, really- would bring up his previous job where he worked for a very large multinational which controls a good portion of the world’s cement production and try to tie it in to whatever subject was being discussed.

Apparently, some of my readers want to know more about this Dashing Man of Mystery and Concrete. Unfortunately, this is a public blog, so I won’t be able to post his name, but if you’re really interested in finding out more about him, feel free to dial INSEAD’s main switchboard at +33 (0)1 60 72 40 00 and ask for Cement Boy. They’ll forward you to the right man.

Malade

“Sorry, we don’t allow animals in our hotel rooms. Yes, that means possums.”

<cut>

“Wow, breaking into the apartments of the Ming emperor sure is hard. Why does he have to live so high up anyway?”

<cut>

“That’ll teach you. Never get into a firefight with a gun shop owner.”

<cut>

“I really need to stop going to the sauna before bed.”

<cut>

At this point I wake up and discover that I’m swimming in sweat and stuck to my sheets. There’s really nothing like illness so all-consuming that it causes delirium. I just hope I’m not the SARS/H5N1/Superflu vector. Wouldn’t that be a shitty way to score a Wikipedia entry?

So the FNGs are on campus, looking as innocent, fresh and doe-eyed as we did four short months ago. They’ve attended an introductory business lecture delivered by Gareth Long-Winded Dyas, made the acquaintance of the infamous Arthur Keller, and survived Welcome Week, Outward Bound and all.

But now comes the true test. No, not whether they can rub their bellies and pat their heads at the same time (though that should be required for admittance into INSEAD), but whether they can juggle their livers and the workload of their first “real” week of class.  3:2 says I witness a group explosion in the Upper Gallery within the next 9 days.  Any takers?

So how was everyone’s holiday? Apparently Res I(p)sa is still on break, since we haven’t heard a peep out of her in weeks…

 

d=1/u

In light of the looming Corporate Financial Policy exam tomorrow morning, I should really be concerning myself with the do’s and don’ts on how to create a replicating portfolio and how to derive the Black-Scholes Option Pricing Model with my right pinky while standing on my left foot. Instead, I’m replicating a Nutella & banana crepe, only without the delicious, fluffy crepe bit, and using two slices of taste-neutral toast instead.  OK, that was a stretch.  Give me a break; I’m busy plumbing the depths of my lungs for expectorant and probing the depths of my soul for another “Ah ha.”

I’ve already written off the Leading Organizations and Marketing exams, so effectively, in my head, there’s only one test left.  By that logic, I should be studying my heart out for finance, but I can’t seem to peel myself away from the television and the continuous loop of quasi-depressing news that gives CNN its flair.  If nothing else, it provides a pleasant British-accented (why do they only seem to have British accented anchors in Europe?) backdrop for the counterfactual history games that I’m playing in my head.

What if, instead of being typically taciturn, I had whispered a little louder?  What if, instead of expecting to be expected to be a mind reader, I had really listened?  What if I had taken a page from the playbook of a particular group mate of mine and learned to never know when to shut up?

What if my father had swallowed his pride and taken the money?  What if the Tet Offensive hadn’t succeeded in changing American policy towards the war?  What if my mother had just called it quits?

Well, then I probably wouldn’t be worrying about betas, deltas, and binomial trees.

“Better hit the saddle, ranger.  We’ll be late for lunch.”

-Gene Autry

Bubbles

Note to self: Next time you’re at the local marche, pick up an extra-large, twenty liter jug of perspective.

In the midst of frantic exam review, also known locally as accelerated cram sessions, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s important, whatever that may be. Hell, I’ll go as far as to say that in the Kung-Fu Grip of INSEAD, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll lose sight of what’s important, at least for a brief spell, if not for the full ten months.

Sure, this statement is highly dependent on what you’re at INSEAD for, and whether or not you knew what you wanted before descending into The Bubble. There are those who are here to find their dream job, those who are here to find a job, and others who’re here to find out if they even want a job. Then there are the few and far between who arrive in the Magical Fonty Forest with open (or clouded) minds, consciously or otherwise, and end up jarringly surprised once they find something that they didn’t even know (or remember) they were looking for.

Speaking of bubbles, I’ve always wished that I could think with those cloud-shaped thought bubbles trailing behind me, like in the comics. Besides floating around my head like a personal cumulonimbus, my bubble would carry a few cartoon-like Edison light bulbs for the rare “Ah ha” moments that I had. I could have really used one of those on Tuesday.

I really hate people who abuse the words “cathartic” and “epiphany,” but I had a cathartic epiphany two nights ago. The stress of exams fell to the wayside. The stress of the imminent job hunt disappeared. The other cloud (the black one) that had been hanging over my head went *POOF*, and I was able to see clearly again.

 

Apologies are warranted for those around me who’ve been subjected to the last two months. A special apology goes out to a particular consumer of this blog. You know who you are. Thank you.

Here’s to hope, one day at a time.

Black-Scholes and Black Souls

The INSEAD Cabaret was a great showcase for the secretly talented hidden amongst us.  Kudos to the performers, most of whom put quite a bit of effort into preparation and rehearsal in their “spare” time.  Recognition is also due to Pascal Manehout, superstar finance professor and the only faculty member in attendance on Thursday evening.

Two hundred or so INSEAD participants and partners, mainly P5s, gathered at a random chateau/golf club/resort last night for the Winter Ball, with both men and women dressed to the nines.  The venue was aflutter with ball gowns and bow ties, topped off with festive masks in tune with the Carnevale theme, and fueled by a small river of Perriere-Jouet champagne.

This was the last party for the graduating class, and I could almost taste the bittersweet tinge in the air.  I spoke with a few who had lined up their dream jobs, others who had taken interim jobs just to make some cash while they continued searching for their dream jobs, and some who were still searching for any job.  “Enjoy it while you can, it goes by fast,” counseled many a departing student.  All I could do was nod and smile, as this was already made abundantly clear by the ever-more-frequent conversations with fellow P2s revolving around, “Wow, where have the last four months gone?”

Just when the stories were starting to get stale, just when I started remembering everyone’s name, just when saying hello in the hallway started becoming more genuine, and just when the truth was starting to sound like a lie, P2 is coming to an end, and friends are departing to Singapore, some never to be seen again. 

Pascal taught us that an increase in volatility translates to an increase in the present value of an option.  In that case, my life should be worth quite a bit now.

Schedule

Monday: Group meeting, optional lecture on Napolean EDIT: Napoleon as a manager, write new post instead of writing the LO paper

Tuesday: Group meeting, find outfit for Winter Ball

Wednesday: Group meeting, frantic rush to finish Corporate Financial Policy assignment due on Thursday

Thursday: Turn in last finance assignment, and yup, you guessed it, group meeting. Attend INSEAD Cabaret

Friday: Turn in Leading Organizations research paper, begin exam panic

Saturday: Winter Ball

Sunday: Resume exam panic

M-Tues: Last P2 Classes

Wednesday: “Study Break”

Thursday: Exams

Friday: Exams

Sat-Sun: Study^10

Monday: Exams

Tuesday: Exams

Wednesday: Exams They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!

P3 is around the corner. Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

El Toro

substance dulls the mind
traife wine clouds the heart
you can’t sew a stitch with one hand
while you’re taking it apart
bright lights make you blind
but they sure don’t leave you sharp
you can’t sew a stitch with one hand
while you’re taking it apart

-Matisyahu “WP”

Where do you draw the line?  How much (money, time, effort, blood) does it take to make it worthwhile?  Does the bar keep moving upward, or do you have to stop it somewhere?

We covered a short case in Leading Organizations the other day, which was based the real experience of a German INSEAD alum thrown into a unfamiliar, foreign culture.  Business as he knew it was turned upside down, and he had to adapt.   Starting with a business meeting on Saturday (god forbid), at a restaurant (gasp), with lots of drinks (now this is just “ridiculous”), our German colleague eventually got quite drunk (German? Drunk? Come on, now) and ended up in an amateur bullfighting ring, gored by a bull.  But he sealed the deal and ended up with a $3M USD sale.

That’s somewhat akin to what we’re going through now.  Exploration of boundaries.  How hard, how fast, and how far can you push yourself?

P3 is around the corner.  The year is almost half over.  What are we all here for?  Time to put up or shut up.

Game on.

Electives

P2 is halfway done, and the glass is half full? Oh god, how it pains me to type that. The latter bit, that is.

Bidding for our first elective courses starts in 8.5 hours, and I have no idea what I plan on taking. Finance with a dose of strategy? Media with a dash of entrepreneurship? Communications with a pinch of negotiations? Decisions, decisions. It’s almost like figuring out what I’m going to wear tomorrow, only not so bad.

INSEAD allots each student a pool of 200 points/year to bid for electives, campus exchanges and small furry rabbits. The system is based on a marginal bid structure, whereby the number of points you actually pay for a class is equivalent to the bid of the last person to enter the class. Say, for example, that there are 96 slots open for a particularly popular class. You can bid anywhere from 1 to 199, and if the the 96th slot gets in with a bid of 1, you only give up one point. Problems arise when people bid 1 for a not-so-popular class, expecting to be guaranteed a spot, only to find out that the winning bid is 2.

Whoops.

Since there are classes which are only offered in specific periods, on specific campuses, with specific star professors, you really have to map out the classes you want to take for P3, P4 and P5 ahead of time.

On that happy note, I’m going to go drink 4 liters of water to offset the half case of beer I just ingested.

Bon nuit.

Culture Shock

One of the things that make WordPress so great (shameless plug, woo ha) as a blogging platform is the ability to archive drafts. There’s a small library of scattered notes, false starts, half-finished posts and quarter-eaten bagels sitting in the back end of my blog, and what better time than now to clean them out, seeing that it’s 02:19 and I’m on campus hammering away at my CV which is due to be submitted to the gods at Career Services in 9.75 hours.

Isn’t that the best run-on you’ve ever seen, Mrs. G?

Below are a few notes, in italics, that I made sometime in June.  Though only five months have passed, it seems like eons.  The non-italicized font are my current thoughts.  As always, caveat emptor, especially in light of the time, and my near-depleted mental, emotional and physical batteries.

Culture shock curve

The following was cribbed from UNESCO and written for Peace Corps types going abroad for the first time.  I’m sure that it applies to INSEAD “participants” as well.

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The curve of cultural adaptation during a medium or long-term stay abroad

You will not always feel the same way during the time of your stay. This is normal and would happen to you if you stayed in your own country as well. Every person is different and reacts in a different way; nonetheless there are some elements of a stay abroad that are experienced in a similar way by many people.

The following curve will cause stomachaches to scientists and other lovers of academic approaches but it is believed to be a useful indicator of the different phases of a stay abroad.

The hypothetical Curve of cultural adaptation during a six month stay abroad

When you first arrive chances are high that you will find everything very exciting, exotic and fascinating as if you entered a film. Everybody is nice to you and as a foreigner you are allowed to make almost any kind of mistake. This phase of initial euphoria may be more or less long according to how much the reality you find differs from what you expected.

After some time you will find that routine sets in your daily life. You get used to the street scenes around you and you more or less know the people whom you cross at work or in your free time. The touristic aspect of a visit to an exotic place gives way to your first frustrating experiences and incomprehension about people behaving the way they behave. Your counterparts are also not as willing anymore to forgive you all of your mistakes.

You are there long enough to generally know the place, but not long enough to have gained real friends or to feel at home. You see a number of behaviours that are unacceptable or at least strange for you and you cannot see the underlying value system yet. Culture is more than the sum of its visible and tangible elements (music, dance, cuisine, language etc). Many elements of a culture are invisible and it is not easy to identify the social, religious and historical factors that motivate them (use of space and time, taboos, beliefs and values). You feel a need to explain and defend yourself very often which is very tiresome and you feel bewildered by the way people communicate and act around you. You will experience a phase of “culture shock.” The experience of this phase again depends on many factors, such as how different the culture you are experiencing is from your own, your ability to express yourself in the language of the region and how much the people you are dealing with, know about your own culture. You will realise that you are under “Culture Shock” when you start feeling easily frustrated, you overreact and behave in a defensive way. You easily get the impression that all your problems are linked to the fact that you are abroad. The adaptation process to a foreign culture demands a lot of energy from you.

After the phase of cultural shock you enter a phase of acculturation and stability. You will gain more and more inside knowledge and understanding about the underlying mechanisms that influence the behaviour of the people around you; you will start being able to see things through their eyes. It does not necessarily mean that you agree with everything they do or that you change your own way of doing things completely. According to the intensity and duration of your stay and your own convictions, you will take over some of the things that you experience, while maintaining others from your own culture. You will disagree with some ways of living that you experience but you should aim at being able to understand why they developed the way they did.

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If you stuck a piece of cultural litmus paper on my tongue, I’m fairly certain that it’d come back bright chartreuse, indicating, with 95% probability, a strong presence of Stage 3 Culture Shock.  Now to all my French friends and readers, this isn’t a slight on your culture, beliefs, heritage, lifestyle, race, creed, color, sexual preference, affinity for baguettes, etc.  so much as a commentary on the INSEAD bubble and all the madness that’s associated with acclimating to it.

I’ve lived through it, and think I can do it again, but can I? I was a lot younger. I’ve lived in other places, but I’ve always known people.

Well, a large part of the INSEAD experience is bonding with folks who’re just like you; thrown into the middle of a forest, be it made of wood in Fontainebleau or concrete in Singapore, and forced to figure it all out.  Exogenous shocks to stable systems  always make for a good time.  If you’re the type who can’t cope with inconsistent sleep, constant socializing, bricks of work in your backpack, implicit competition of a cut-throat variety and general madness, you may want to reconsider your choice of INSEAD as a school.  If, however, you thrive on structured chaos, this is the place for you, though I think it does help to be younger and more malleable.

What happens when you mix attractive, scathingly intelligent, articulate, world-hopping people, with a 3:1 M:F ratio, lots of booze in a strange environment? I think I’ve seen this movie before, and it wasn’t in the Disney section.

Exactly what I thought would happen.  For those with access, just take a look at the pictures on Facebook.  For the less fortunate, do the math; it’s not so hard.  As other bloggers have written so eloquently on this subject, I’ll leave you, dear reader, to peruse their posts on your own.

How important is physical fitness during the year, especially with a diet of nothing but booze and butter?

There’s a gym on campus?

Vinieron, Fueron

“A monopolist (INSEAD campus bar) faces the following demand curve (perfectly inelastic) for beer at 12:00 noon on the day of the last exam:

Q_d=16,837+56P

Please calculate the profit maximizing and revenue maximizing quantities.”

Yes, that’s right; the slope is positive. If you’re a P1 and actually caught that, your 50K Euro have been well spent.

By the look of euphoric, rapturous, orgasmic joy on students’ faces at noon today, you’d think that England won the World Cup or something. INSEAD should really schedule  the Open Days for new and potential admits on the last day of P1 every year. They’d have no trouble convincing the “I’ve got to choose between LBS and INSEAD” crowd to plunk down their deposit. Immediately. In cash.

The bar area was so full that it wasn’t possible to walk through to get to the cafeteria. I ended up swinging a wide arc around the smokers’ patio and going through a side door in order to get lunch. On a regular day, you might see a few small groups sitting around, chatting over the thimble-sized drafts the bar has on offer. This afternoon, I don’t think I saw anyone with anything smaller than the cannonball-sized goblets that they keep on hand for occasions like this. I swear, these things are the size of a small child’s head.

So yeah, for you “academically oriented” folks out there who’ve heard rumors about INSEAD being a cake walk, rest assured; it’s not. The exams are long, tedious, spleen-grinding affairs that are as much a test of your grasp on the material as a test of your stamina. I’m certain that part of the reason so much beer was consumed today was not because people were thirsty or wanted to drown their sorrows, but rather because we’d had every drop of life sucked out of us over the past 3 days and needed something to fill the void.

But let’s not talk about tests. There’s a whopping 4-day break (inclusive of a 2-day weekend) ahead of us where we have no work….No, wait, we do! Yay! So those of you who are going to Barcelona, Morocco, Rome, Pakistan and various bits of France, don’t forget to bring your case reading that’s due on Monday!

Bon voyage.